“Can you believe it? Just when things were looking good for Kitten and Scout, the Stones go and mess it all up! They always do that! God, I hate that family! I can’t stand watching it when it gets like this.”
“Then don’t Tivo the show!”
That’s what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t that mean. Or that brave. So I settled on something more diplomatic.
“Well, you could always watch something else or maybe get online and –”
“Watch something else? You’re kidding, right? I grew up watching Burning Bright! I never miss an episode! I can’t just stop watching! I mean I can remember when Kitten was born and the doctors accidentally switched the…”
She went on about all the horrible complications of being born into the affluent Hart family of North Hatton Bay and about how they suffered daily from the evil machinations of the corrupt Stone clan. I switched the phone to my other shoulder and turned the volume up on my computer speakers just loud enough to hear my game.
I had been in the middle of a quest when she called, and I really needed to finish it before it got too late. I tried to keep playing without her knowing. If she thought that I wasn’t listening, she’d pout until I apologized at least five times and then she’d start the whole story over again.
Now, if only somebody would come up with a caller ID that told you what the call was about in addition to the who! Maybe pop up some general phrase beneath the name about the subject of the call – like “Mom – Invite to dinner” or “Jerry – talk about movie” or “DirectCast – pay your bill” – something to let you know if there’s a good reason to talk to whoever’s calling. I mean, normally, I loved talking to Tina – she was my girlfriend after all, but if I’d have seen “soap opera” on the ID box, I sure would have let the machine get it and pretended to be in the shower long enough to get this quest done.
After I had moved my guy to a safe spot, I focused on what Tina was saying.
“—and Storm’s back from Iraq with horrible burns across his entire body. Of course, they had to do total reconstructive surgery, so now no one recognizes him, not even his sister, who really needs his kidney so that…”
“I thought his sister was dead,” I interjected. I’d learned that asking a question was always more convincing that periodically grunting “uh-huh” – and assuming someone was dead was always a safe bet. Most of the people on that show had died at one time or another. “Sleeping with” was my second favorite, followed by “arrested for” and then “kidnapped” – apparently, life in North Hatton Bay was pretty complicated, even with all the champagne and dinner parties.
Mentally, I imagined Tina’s brain shifting gears as it started down a different storyline.
“No, silly! She’s not dead – I mean, not anymore. They found her in that cave, remember? I bet you’re thinking of his cousin Shelby. That was last month when she took all those sleeping pills after she was paralyzed in that plane crash – and right before her wedding to Tonio! He disappeared, and I cried for a week. And their poor baby! Left with only that coldhearted Pearl Stone to raise her. She is just so vile! I hate the Stones! And now they’re …”
I glanced at the clock. I should have enough time to do the next leg of this quest line without tipping her off. I killed a few monsters, found what I needed behind a fallen log, and then looked at the time again. Six minutes. I’d been quiet for too long, but Tina hadn’t noticed. She was still going strong about the Stones.
“…and you know the labs under their summer house? The ones where they cloned Willow and gave Onyx those experimental drugs? Well, that’s where they have the body of Kitten’s ex – well, just the head and shoulders really, but it’s cryogenically frozen, so the Stones are going to thaw him out and then force Dr. Julie to transplant him onto that homeless guy that Nemo found...”
I jumped in when she took a breath. “Hey, isn’t Nemo sleeping with Dr. Julie?” I held my breath.
Tina made a gagging noise. “Yeah. It’s so gross. She’s twice his age, and he’s just using her to make her do what his uncle wants. And he’s the one who kidnapped her to boot!. Can you believe it? I hate the way she’s betraying the Harts. And she basically is a Hart, you know. Her aunt was Kitten’s grandfather’s twin sister, and she was even married to a Hart for a while. Spade. He was strangled by that serial killer while they were on their honeymoon in the Caribbean. The Stones were part of that, too, of course. They wanted his shares of…”
Tina’s voice continued in my ear. I shifted the phone to my other shoulder, my brain registering the names as I clicked my way closer to finishing my quest. Only a few more bars to go before I hit the next level!
“…and now Scout’s been arrested because the police think he kidnapped Tonio’s baby, but it’s really Ivy because she she hopes to bait the Stones into revealing where they’re keeping Dr. Julie and Trick’s frozen body. Torso really. Or bust, I guess? Whatever. Anyway, it’ll never work because the Stones have figured out that Onyx and the ambassador are really…”
“Then don’t Tivo the show!”
That’s what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t that mean. Or that brave. So I settled on something more diplomatic.
“Well, you could always watch something else or maybe get online and –”
“Watch something else? You’re kidding, right? I grew up watching Burning Bright! I never miss an episode! I can’t just stop watching! I mean I can remember when Kitten was born and the doctors accidentally switched the…”
She went on about all the horrible complications of being born into the affluent Hart family of North Hatton Bay and about how they suffered daily from the evil machinations of the corrupt Stone clan. I switched the phone to my other shoulder and turned the volume up on my computer speakers just loud enough to hear my game.
I had been in the middle of a quest when she called, and I really needed to finish it before it got too late. I tried to keep playing without her knowing. If she thought that I wasn’t listening, she’d pout until I apologized at least five times and then she’d start the whole story over again.
Now, if only somebody would come up with a caller ID that told you what the call was about in addition to the who! Maybe pop up some general phrase beneath the name about the subject of the call – like “Mom – Invite to dinner” or “Jerry – talk about movie” or “DirectCast – pay your bill” – something to let you know if there’s a good reason to talk to whoever’s calling. I mean, normally, I loved talking to Tina – she was my girlfriend after all, but if I’d have seen “soap opera” on the ID box, I sure would have let the machine get it and pretended to be in the shower long enough to get this quest done.
After I had moved my guy to a safe spot, I focused on what Tina was saying.
“—and Storm’s back from Iraq with horrible burns across his entire body. Of course, they had to do total reconstructive surgery, so now no one recognizes him, not even his sister, who really needs his kidney so that…”
“I thought his sister was dead,” I interjected. I’d learned that asking a question was always more convincing that periodically grunting “uh-huh” – and assuming someone was dead was always a safe bet. Most of the people on that show had died at one time or another. “Sleeping with” was my second favorite, followed by “arrested for” and then “kidnapped” – apparently, life in North Hatton Bay was pretty complicated, even with all the champagne and dinner parties.
Mentally, I imagined Tina’s brain shifting gears as it started down a different storyline.
“No, silly! She’s not dead – I mean, not anymore. They found her in that cave, remember? I bet you’re thinking of his cousin Shelby. That was last month when she took all those sleeping pills after she was paralyzed in that plane crash – and right before her wedding to Tonio! He disappeared, and I cried for a week. And their poor baby! Left with only that coldhearted Pearl Stone to raise her. She is just so vile! I hate the Stones! And now they’re …”
I glanced at the clock. I should have enough time to do the next leg of this quest line without tipping her off. I killed a few monsters, found what I needed behind a fallen log, and then looked at the time again. Six minutes. I’d been quiet for too long, but Tina hadn’t noticed. She was still going strong about the Stones.
“…and you know the labs under their summer house? The ones where they cloned Willow and gave Onyx those experimental drugs? Well, that’s where they have the body of Kitten’s ex – well, just the head and shoulders really, but it’s cryogenically frozen, so the Stones are going to thaw him out and then force Dr. Julie to transplant him onto that homeless guy that Nemo found...”
I jumped in when she took a breath. “Hey, isn’t Nemo sleeping with Dr. Julie?” I held my breath.
Tina made a gagging noise. “Yeah. It’s so gross. She’s twice his age, and he’s just using her to make her do what his uncle wants. And he’s the one who kidnapped her to boot!. Can you believe it? I hate the way she’s betraying the Harts. And she basically is a Hart, you know. Her aunt was Kitten’s grandfather’s twin sister, and she was even married to a Hart for a while. Spade. He was strangled by that serial killer while they were on their honeymoon in the Caribbean. The Stones were part of that, too, of course. They wanted his shares of…”
Tina’s voice continued in my ear. I shifted the phone to my other shoulder, my brain registering the names as I clicked my way closer to finishing my quest. Only a few more bars to go before I hit the next level!
“…and now Scout’s been arrested because the police think he kidnapped Tonio’s baby, but it’s really Ivy because she she hopes to bait the Stones into revealing where they’re keeping Dr. Julie and Trick’s frozen body. Torso really. Or bust, I guess? Whatever. Anyway, it’ll never work because the Stones have figured out that Onyx and the ambassador are really…”
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